People are predictably different.


“Why predictably?” I hear you say.


If you really examine and explore this further, although people are uniquely different, funnily enough they can be predictable in their behaviours based on their personalities.


What’s more interesting is, when surrounded by similar personalities or people with similar passions but dissimilar values and beliefs, this is when things start to heat up.


As a teacher, prior to leaving the classroom, I often found myself in the midst of conflicts (both subtle and overt) which did create additional stress and anxieties.

Upon reflection, often those conflicts had arisen due to a clash in personalities.


Everyone had the best possible intentions (for them) and often were so passionate about their ideas and their vision which meant they were not open to alternative suggestions.


In an ideal world, it would be lovely for everyone to get on well and for workplaces and relationships to be harmonious.


However, as Rocky Balboa would say,

“The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows

and unfortunately, this is the same in a working environment and in relationships (both personal and professional).


But don’t panic, as with everything, there’s a solution.


Learning how to avoid or reduce conflict can help individuals to reduce stress and anxieties and focus on boosting those positive hormones - which can help people to feel happier, healthier and more fulfilled.


Interestingly, unique experiences and unexpected events which haven’t been encountered before are perfect recipes for conflicts and drama. Being made redundant, working from home, relationship breakdowns, the loss of a loved one, home-schooling, global pandemics…you name it.


It’s important to learn what we don’t know to prevent being trapped in a web of dramas and conflicts which will impact on your mental, physical and psychological wellbeing.


Psychiatrist Karpman (1965) presents an overview of how conflicts occur in a model which he refers to as the ‘Drama Triangle’. This expresses that each person plays a specific role in any conflict.


Despite the model being triangular, it’s a cyclical approach and individuals can rotate around the triangle depending on the situation and/or their environment.

He introduces three roles: the ‘victim’, ‘rescuer’ and ‘persecutor’ in his model and intriguingly, one role isn’t more superior than the other as all parties have the best intentions. But, when stuck in this metaphorical “triangle” their emotions can be extremely unresourceful which reduces the likelihood for a positive outcome.


So, what do you do from here if you find yourself involved in conflict?


Step 1: Take a step back and assess where you are on the triangle. Each person on the triangle has a positive intention so it’s important to get a bird’s eye view of the situation and try to see it from their perspective.


Step 2: Be your own James Bond or Luther (clearly, I have a thing for Idris Elba) and investigate the facts. It’s important to ask yourself, “What have I actually seen or heard?” and also “Am I making any assumptions?”


Step 3: Find a more empowering resolution. During a situation where tensions are high it’s difficult to think objectively but again, it’s important for you to reflect on the situation and ask yourself, “what would I like to have happen here?”


Step 4: Ignite a more positive and meaningful dialogue with the parties involved and listen to each other.


Step 5: Recognise the role which you no longer choose to play in any conflict or drama. Empower yourself to focus on you and the things which are within your control; let go of the things that you can’t control which no longer serve you.

Just a heads up…

If you’re a teacher reading this, I thank you for all you have done during these uniquely different times. To support you I have partnered with a friend of mine who is also a qualified teacher and transformation coach and we have launched ‘The Teacher Wellbeing Project’. This online wellbeing day will be hosted on the 27th August (from 10am to 2pm). We will be offering training on mindset, resilience and wellbeing, designed for teachers returning to work in September.

For further details please see here: https://bit.ly/theteacherwellbeingproject


About the Writer

Rebecca is an award-winning social entrepreneur, an internationally recognised, fully accredited and qualified Teacher, Transformation Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and DISC Behaviour and Personality Profiling Practitioner.


Rebecca passionately helps heart-centered and purpose driven entrepreneurs and professionals to thrive in all aspects of their lives. Her core purpose is to empower her clients through powerful and transformational coaching, mentoring and training so they can live a truly fulfilled life.


If you’d like support on reducing the conflicts and eliminating the dramas in your life then email Rebecca at rebecca@thejigsawcompany.com.


She also hangs out in her free Facebook group (for heart-centered and purpose driven professionals and entrepreneurs): www.facebook.com/groups/TheJigsawCommunity

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I don’t know about you but for the last couple of months it has felt like I have been in a weird sci-fi movie. On the bright side, like all movies, I know that one will soon come to an end.


However, this doesn’t ignore the fact that it still feels bizarre not to wander carefree around the shops, meet with family and friends, or shake our booties on the dancefloor whilst sipping a beverage.


For now, this is our “new” normal, until another “new” normal comes along.


For us self-employed folk, it’s common for others to think that this unique situation doesn’t impact us as much as everyone else because we should be used to staying at home, but they’re wrong. Whether you’re an introvert, extrovert, ambivert, self-employed, employed or unemployed, as humans we all need a certain amount of human interaction in order to remain sane. Regardless of the extraordinarily uncertain times we find ourselves in, those who are self-employed can and will experience loneliness. But it doesn’t have to be that way. You don’t have to be alone (if you don’t want to be).


I believe that we are all in control of the life we want and choose to live.

Loneliness is an emotionally unpleasant experience which can have an adverse effect on our health, wellbeing and contentment.


So, if you’re self-employed and experiencing loneliness during these uncertain times - I’ve got your back.


Self Reflection

As a mother to a sassy ‘threenager’, peace and quiet is a luxury for me these days. However, no matter what your situation is, it’s important that you find that golden hour to focus on yourself.


Self-reflection is a vital approach to overcoming loneliness and as a self-confessed stationary addict I often find solitude in journaling my thoughts and feelings and taking moments to reflect on them.


Keeping a daily journal can be extremely therapeutic and it can decrease our levels of loneliness as we become more comfortable with our thoughts, thus becoming more comfortable with ourselves.


When journaling, it’s always great to keep a daily gratitude journal where we can train our brains to focus more on the positive elements of our lives and swish those feelings of loneliness to more empowering thoughts and emotions.


Self Care


Other than journaling, there are a plethora of self-care activities we can choose from to continue boosting our happy hormones (endorphins and serotonin).


Guided meditations, yoga, listening to audiobooks, gardening, listening to music and dancing around your living pretending you are Beyoncé (ok, maybe the last one is just me, but you get the gist).


Whatever your favourite pastime is get something scheduled into your week so you have something to look forward to.


It doesn’t matter what you decide to get involved in. All that matters is that you are doing it for you and I can promise you’ll feel a lot less lonely and much happier.


Find your tribe


We are so fortunate that we have been gifted with access to the internet, which means it is a lot less complicated to stay connected with people and build relationships.


On various social media channels such as Facebook and LinkedIn there are a wealth of online communities which we can seek out to be part of.


Find communities which interest you and fulfil your needs and begin to connect with other members. Meeting and mingling online is a lot easier than people think it is, especially when you find the right community.


On the flip side, the internet can be an extremely noisy place which can become overwhelming. If you find yourself in this position, relook at the groups you are part of and silence those which you are not engaging in or receive the less value from.


One thing that our current situation has reminded me of is that time is extremely invaluable.


Unlike a pair of new heels, or an all-inclusive holiday - we can’t buy time. It’s completely free and only we have control over the time we have and how we utilise it.


So, take control, find pockets of “me” time to focus on you, meet and mingle online and reflect on the things you are grateful for in your life.


Loneliness can impact on our moods, thoughts and behaviours so it’s important that we focus on reducing that feeling of loneliness so we can live a happier, healthier and more fulfilled life. Who’s with me?


About the Writer


Rebecca is an award-winning social entrepreneur, an internationally recognised, fully accredited and qualified Teacher, Transformation Coach, Neuro-Linguistic Programming and DISC Personality Profiling Practitioner.


Rebecca passionately helps heart-centered and purpose driven entrepreneurs and professionals to thrive in all aspects of their lives.


Her core purpose is to empower her clients through powerful and transformational coaching, mentoring and training so they can live a truly fulfilled life.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/groups/TheJigsawCommunity

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/danielrebecca

Web: www.thejigsawcompany.com


#Blogger #SelfEmployed #Loneliness #Covid19

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